1. |
Poop On The Moon
03:16
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The stars twinkle, oh how they shine – In the sky tonight
To see them with the one you love – makes everything alright
Venus shines just like a diamond – in the Milky Way
The moon is full and glowing bright – then she hears you say
Chorus
There's poop on the moon – Don't mean to be rude
but there's poop on the moon – I know it kills the mood
but there's poop on the moon
Only twelve men ever stepped down – On the lunar dust
After they were there a while – they did what they must
Maximum absorbency garments – is what they wore
They call them MAGS, we call them diapers – you know what they're for
Poop on the moon – NASA said to leave it
Poop on the moon – I know, I can't believe it
but there's poop on the moon
Neil Armstong, Alan Bean – even Pete Conrad
They all got dirty space diapers – in a zip lock bag
Stacked and tagged in little piles – at the lunar stations
But not Buzz Aldrin he had – traveler's constipation
Poop on the moon – their morning constitution
Poop on the moon – for weight distribution
yeah there's poop on the moon
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2. |
Cryin' Train
03:00
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Windows rolled down in my Oldsmobile
Funny how that train whistle makes me feel
It's rolling down the tracks, for someplace new
And the sky spill shades of red and grey
While the sun goes down to close the day
I wonder if that ole train is tryin' to tell me
What to do...
Chorus
Cuz this sleepy ole town, it can get me down
Make my soul want to roam
But I always stick around, cuz it turns out that sound
Is just that train crying to go home
And then that nightime sky comes rollin in
sometimes if feels like a dear old friend
The kind that's always there, come what may
And that city sometimes can get so cold
And the same ole skyline can get so old
Makes me wonder, why the hell I stay
Chorus
Cuz this sleepy ole town, it can get me down
Make my soul want to roam
But I always stick around, cuz it turns out that sound
Is just that train crying to go home
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3. |
When I Was A Kid
03:30
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Never was popular – when I was a kid
Never had a whole lotta friends
But I found out – that bein' a kid
Ain't where the story ends
Some of them kids – thought they knew it all
They never had a clue
I wonder if they look back – at the things that they did
I bet they never do
Now when I was in school – if you could pass a ball
They might have a parade
But they never hung banners – up on the wall
If you got a passing grade
See, some of them kids – man, they could - throw a ball
Better than me and you
But these days I find – that's something that I'm
Not really required to do
Chorus-
When you're a kid – you're just a kid
No way you could have known
That some of that stuff – that mattered back then
Don't matter after you've grown
Ya know, growing up – can seem kinda hard
It's harder than it looks
Cuz some of that stuff – that you need learn
Ain't written your books
So if you're a kid – and you're trying to find
What it's all about
Just be yourself – try to be kind
I bet you figure it out
Chorus and outro
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4. |
Physical Exam
03:18
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I'm getting older, more concerned about my health
Just like they say it's more important than your wealth
I'm in my fifties so it's time to be a man
I called the doctor for a physical exam
He checked my nose and he looked inside my ears
Asked if I smoked or if I drank a lot of beers
He checked my lungs and he listened to my heart
It was going great but then it all fell apart
Chorus
He stuck his finger in my butt
He greased it up boy, and I'll tell ya what
I would've bet, that I'd never let
Some guy stick his finger in my butt
I gotta tell ya, it came as a surprise
It took my breath away and bugged out my eyes
It didn't hurt that much and I'm not really sore
I just assumed I might resist a little more
When he....
Chorus
Modern medicine, can cause my thoughts to linger
All these advancements but they still use a finger
I'm not mad, I won't even shed a tear
Just kinda sad I gotta wait another year
He'll stick his......
Chorus
Outro
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5. |
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Once upon a time, I went everywhere with you
You said that you loved me from the day we met
And the first night we spent apart
You cried the whole night through
And it's a good thing you don't love me anymore
Things were different, not so long ago
And I knew things had to change, I understand
And I knew the day was comin',
When you'd have to let me go
And it's a good thing you don't love me anymore
Chorus
It's a good thing you don't love me anymore
I don't mind that you left me layin' on the floor
And the best thing you could have done
Was to walk right out that door
And it's a good thing you don't love me anymore
Well, I've grown old, I've lost a lot of hair
My shirt is torn and dirty, I've only got one eye
And now you're a full grown man
I'm just a tattered old teddy bear
And it's a good thing you don't love me anymore
Chorus
It's a good thing you don't love me anymore
I don't mind that you left me layin' on the floor
And the best thing you could have done
Was to walk right out that door
And it's a good thing you don't love me anymore
It's a good thing you don't love me anymore
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6. |
As Seen On TV
01:47
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Now available for the very first time, So hurry up, don't delay
One time limited offer, If you place your order today
We're gonna send you a second one free, Just pay the shipping charge
Be sure to tell the operator what you want, Small, medium or large
Stop wait a minute, hold on, there's more, This offer's not available in any store
We got operators standing by, you can only get it on TV
Chorus
Don't you wanna take control of you life,
Be a better husband, be a better wife
Don't you think you deserve the very best,
Why would you settle for something less
We got a 30 day money back guarantee, risk free trial for you
And if you're not fully satisfied, tell ya what we're gonna do
Double your money back, act today, send no money now
You could be the proud new owner, we're gonna show you how
90 days, same as cash, interest free, or three easy payments, no shipping fee
We got operators standing by, you can only get it on TV
Lot's of imitators, buyer beware
Show your family that you truly care
Feeling frustrated, we know what you mean
So hurry call the number on your TV screen
We got operators standing by, you can only get it on TV
We got operators standing by, you can only get it on TV
Be sure to use the offer code, As Seen On TV
Batteries not included,
some assembly required,
limited time offer,
all rights reserved,
subject to change without notice,
other restrictions may apply,
not available in all 50 states,
void where prohibited
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7. |
Summer Rain
03:18
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I don't really have a lot of money
But I just paid off my double wide
Never had much time for a honey
But I always wished I had one by my side
Lately there's this girl that's caught my fancy
Livin' in the trailer next to mine
She told me that her name is Nancy
I think she know I think she's really fine
Chorus
And summer rain keeps coming through my window
But it's too hot to keep it closed at night
I know that some day, I'll have to find a way
To try to keep that window locked up tight
I found out Nancy has a boyfriend
Biker type, they call him Savage Stu
He works as a bouncer at the strip club
Turns out that's where Nancy's working too
And Nancy had to get herself a stage name
And Stu he drinks too much to ease his head
And when she's on the pole, they call her Summer Rain
Then she goes home and puts drunk Stu to bed
Chorus
And Summer Rain keeps coming through my window
But it's too hot to keep it closed at night
I know that some day, I'll have to find a way
To try to keep that window locked up tight
Repeat Chorus
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8. |
Windowless Van
02:31
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Gather 'round me children, I've got a tale to tell
Gather 'round me closely, so you can hear me well
You only get one childhood, enjoy it while you can
And try to stay away, from the man in the windowless van
Now he might have a puppy, or a great big candy bar
He might offer you a ride so you don't have to walk so far
He might say he's a dear old friend of your mom and dad
You might think he's a real nice guy but he's not, he bad
Chorus
He's the bad, bad man in the windowless van,
Hangin' out a the park
Better beware, if you can,
Especially after dark
You can be nice to everyone you meet
I really think you should
But the bad, bad man in the windowless van
Is up to no good
Now I'm not trying to scare you, not trying to cause alarm
I'm just looking out for you, trying to keep you away from harm
Better safe than sorry, cuz you just never know
But it looks like everything's ok, let's get in my van and go
Chorus
He's the bad, bad man in the windowless van,
Hangin' out a the park
Better beware, if you can,
Especially after dark
You can be nice to everyone you meet
I really think you should
But the bad, bad man in the windowless van
Is up to no good
Yeah, the bad, bad man in the windowless van
Is up to no good
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9. |
The Diner
04:56
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Sometimes she loses track, - She can't remember when
She started working at Harry's Diner, - Seems like she's always been
And when she adds it up, - that's when it all sinks in
See, she was 17, - And he was 23
He said “dont you worry baby - Cuz you can count on me
I'll do the right thing – We'll be a family”
But he couldn't hold a job – He's out drinking every night
And when he did come home – He'd always start a fight
So when he left for good – She thought everything would be alright
And that diner job came in handy – Cuz jobs were hard to find
And if you're a single mom needing money – Then you're the hiring kind
She raised her boy in that corner booth, and Harry – He didn't mind
Chorus
Sometimes life it ain't so easy – You just do the best that you can do
You might be making plans for the future –
But the future might have other plans for you
She's a pretty gal with a worried look – Not as old as she appears
And he's a good kid, smart enough to know – she's trying to hide her fears
So he hugs her and he holds on tight – Trying to keep away all her tears
He works around the diner – Tryin' to help his mama out
And when he got old enough – He got a paper route
And when he turned 17 he said, - “Hey Ma, I got it all figured out”
He came up with this idea – After the fourth of July parade
He said “I'll join the service Mama – And they'll teach me a trade
Then when I get out, I can get a job and then – We'll have it made”
His squad was in a chopper – that got hit by an RPG
Now his picture hangs by that corner booth – For everyone to see
And she clocks in for another double shift – Cuz she's got nowhere else to be
Chorus – Instrumental break
Repeat first verse and end on “sinks in.......”
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10. |
Oh Jee
03:12
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Growing up my best friend's name was Jee
He grew up in the house next door to me
They said Jesus was his Christian name, but to me it's all the same
He was Jee to his friends and family
Me and Jee, we hung out on the street
Runnin' round in robes and sandels on our feet
His folks were really nice, that Joe and Mary Christ
They were always really very sweet
Me and Jee, we were thick as theives
He always had somethin' up his sleeve
I remember that one time, he turned water into wine
We got so drunk, man I could barely see
Chorus Oh Jee, Oh Jee
Oh where in the hell can you be
Been a while since he left town, I bet he's out there hangin' round
I hear he's coming back again, we'll see
Jee's old man, he worked construction
My old man worked for the government
They told us 'one of the days, you boys will take our place'
Back then, that's just the way it went
But Jee, he wasn't diggin' woodwork
He said he heard voices from above
He said 'I'm thinkin' bout skippin' town, And just go runnin' round
Tellin' all the people about love'
They say he's been hangin' with some longhairs
And some gal that used to walk the streets at night
Me, I'm workin' with my pops, and the boredom never stops
I miss ole Jee, I hope he's alright
Chorus & out
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11. |
Ukulele Blues
04:04
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Got the blues for you baby, but not bad enough to play 'em on my guitar
Got the blues for you baby, but not bad enough to play 'em on my guitar
We never really talked that much, and all we did was hang out at the bar
I thought we had a lot in common, girl you know just what I mean
I thought we had a lot in common, baby you know just what I mean
We both had a taste for Miller High Life, and we both like drinking about 9:15
Chorus
The thought of life without you, it kinda made me sad
But since you left me baby, it hasn't been all that bad
I got the blues for you baby, not bad enough to play em on my guitar
We never really talked that much, and all we did was hang out at the bar
Got the blues for you baby, but not bad enough to play 'em on my guitar
Got the blues for you baby, but not bad enough to play 'em on my guitar
We never really talked that much, and all we did was hang out at the bar
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Chris Wolf Mooresville, Indiana
Singer/songwriter, finger-pickin' guitarist & pseudo-lycanthrope.
He writes songs that take a twist,
always creative, usually surprising, definitely original.
This solo effort (his second) has help from many friends and family from the musicians on the album to the cover art by Chris' mom. This recording contains humor, tragedy, murder, romance and more! It's like a roller coaster for your ears.
... more
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